Parents as Partners

Both at Church and at Home

It’s Time to Give Parents Back to Their Kids

It is Faith Inkubators’ mission to restore parents as primary faith teachers, mentors, and role models for their own children with the church as reinforcement—not replacement of parents’ role.

The family has been, is, and always will be the primary inkubator of faith. It is hard to argue otherwise. Parents are teaching faith every day. The question is, what faith are they teaching? When parents give children $20 for a movie on Saturday night and $2 for the offering on Sunday morning, they are teaching faith. When they say, “Just get through confirmation and you can decide for yourself if you want to go to church,” they are teaching faith. There is very little a church can do to teach faith in 52 minutes a week that isn’t undone the other 10,028 minutes.

The fact is that we, the church, should not be trying to form the faith of youth without parents.

We Must Be Insane

The definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results. We offer you a different way. What if instead of telling parents we can do it for them, we tell them over and over again they are the only ones who can do it. Not because they know the books of the Bible or the Ten Commandments by heart, but because they love their child like we can’t. God gave their child to them, not to us. They have nightly access. We don’t. They would die for their child. We ...well, you get the idea!

Involving Parents at Church: Small Group Guides

At Faith Inkubators, we really encourage you to require that all small group Guides be parents of the youth in your program. Why parents?

The Commitment: You will never find more committed people than parents. Most parents would die for their children without thinking twice. Even on a day when their kid is driving them crazy, they would literally jump in front of a speeding truck to save that child’s life. You can’t hire this kind of love and loyalty. If you want the most committed youth workers possible at your church, you have got to recruit parents. Nobody else loves like that.

The Gift: If teens come to see their own parents as caring, approachable, fun, and committed, you have given the family a gift. People who grow up in a close relationship with their own parents will naturally desire to repeat the process with their own children. In this way, parents who commit to serving as Guides will be giving gifts to their grandchildren. The gift will repeat itself. That’s a true gift!

In your Head to the Heart (H2H) Confirmation Leader’s Toolbox, you’ll find a great parent recruitment program (PowerPoint presentation and handout) called “Haystack Theory.” This is a great presentation that helps parents come to the conclusion that they need to step up and be a part of the program, but makes them think it was their idea! This tool will help you present to parents the idea that an “impact adult” is a vital part of the lives of youth, and that being their child’s small group Guide is the best way to make that happen. Use it in the spring with parents whose children will enter confirmation in the fall. You can get all your Guide recruiting done before summer! (See the Haystack Theory presentation note pages in the PowerPoint file for complete instructions.)

More Great Ways to Involve Parents at Church

Parent Huddle: Some congregations have created special support groups for parents. Most parents drop their youth off for confirmation. Consider inviting all parents to attend the large group presentation of your Theme Events.When youth go to Small Group Time, non-Guide parents can gather in the library, lounge, or pastor’s office to share highs and lows, a discussion, encouragement, and prayer. One Faith Inkubators member church in Michigan did this and when it came time for their children to be confirmed, they had bonded so tightly they didn’t want to break up. “Does this mean I can’t come to confirmation anymore?” remarked the parents. Note that you will find a Parent Group Handout for each H2H theme lesson.

Impact Parenting Nights: On occasion, make it a difficult choice for parents to simply drop off their kids by offering Impact Parenting nights. Partner with the local school and see if you can host community sessions on practical topics like communication, stages of learning as kids grow, or mental health awareness. Practical topics like this may not get deep in to Bible topics, but they are great “come and see” opportunities to make your church a beacon of help and hope in your wider community.

Servant, Fellowship & Huddle Helpers: Don’t be afraid to require parents to sign up for specific duties that will make your program run like a well-oiled machine. As part of your enrollment process each year, ask each parent to sign up for one Servant or Fellowship Event, or to host one monthly Huddle. Establishing a personal relationship with all parents will make it easier for Small Group Guides to minister to the specific needs of youth in their groups. Having extra drivers, chaperones, and helpers at your “out of building” events will make things easier and safer. Parents who host Huddles will gain a better appreciation and understanding of what you are trying to accomplish in your program. When parents see the kind of care, energy, support, and fun your Dream Team has for kids, they may volunteer to help more often.

Involving Parents at Home: FAITH5 Home Huddles

At the beginning of each year, consider gathering all parents for dessert and coffee. Unveil FAITH5 using the recruitment tools provided in your Head to the Heart Confirmation Leader’s Toolbox. Ask them to commit to this nightly check-in process where sharing highs and lows, reading the Bible, faith talk, prayer, and blessing become natural parts of the family ritual. You will not only be helping teens, you’ll also be giving a gift of communication to the family and partnering with parents in the confirmation of their own children.

In your Head to the Heart Confirmation Manual you will find a special Family Covenant Service. Call all confirmation students and their parents to the altar to kick off your program year. Ask them to commit to making FAITH5 a nightly ritual.

In the manual you will also find a Family Letter of Call to help families commit and follow through.